The Standing Dragon Weekly

Intriguingly -

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:11:58 GMT

Today's been an up and down cycle -

On the down side, I inadvertently made a friend's day worse when babbling about something of interest to me (game theory) and not noticing that I was treading on ground that was taken personally. No mater what my point is, or how good or bad it is, or whether or not it even exists, there's little or no excuse for callousness. After all, callousness is a painful, awful, horrid thing; it is self-importance personified, and speaks poorly of the one who sets it forth, regardless of reason.

So, I owe this person a genuine apology, but haven't had the guts to deliver it.

On the up side, a conversation that's been six months in the offing came out today: Tennessee DCS contacted me regarding an application for adoptive parenting, and we've begun the process. It'll take a year or so, give or take a month or two either direction /plus/ six months of foster-parenting before we're considered...

... but. But. We've started. I don't think I've ever been this nervous, save the day I asked my wife to marry me. We're /adopting/. In a bit, yes, but we made it official, we set the goal, we talked through everything - we agreed, and she's smiling. LIke the sun.

Whew.

Now. Let's go fix the rest of it. :)

Ishi

Politics! - or, Why I'm Voting Democrat This Year.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:25:21 GMT

So. Let's talk politics for a minute.

That's right, politics.

Most of you know that I'm ultimately a political moderate, choosing no party affiliation (I used to say 'Libertarian' when pressed - but man, those guys have gone kooky in recent years) - I worked the Perot campaign in late high school during his first bid for the presidency, and I've been a volunteer on both sides of the political fence in our silly two party system off and on for a while, now. Though.. admittedly, not in recent days.

Up until Bush, Jr., I often voted GOP (though I did vote for Clinton in Clintion II, and I have yet to get enthused about Zack Wamp (our TN. representative from my district).

This year, in this upcoming presidental election, I'm voting for Barak Obama.

For me, political races always come down, in the end, to keystone issues - things that I view as important, and I often try to look at past the usual campaign rhetoric. Honestly, though? The biggest issue for me is Personal Freedom - the establishment of the Pursuit of Happyness - the notion that true freedom involves the core Libertarian concepts of Freedom from Interference, Freedom of Ownership, and Freedom of Choice. It's a pretty heady issue - but it's one I wish more Americans got interested in, as a whole. Most people gladly go on about saying 'how free they are' without paying any attention to what 'Free' means, and the responsibilities that come with it.

In the end, Freedom - in the notion of true, personal freedom, revolves around the simple idea that you should be free to participate in any activity or endeavor that does not harm the common good, that government should exist at the sufference of the people, not people at the sufference of the government. This is why principles like Habeas Corpus^*, "Innocent until Proven Guilty", and even the second amendment are so important - something we forget, I think.

You should be free, in my mind, to read what you want. To talk about what you want. To go where you want, especially within your own country. You should have a right to expect that you are not treated as a criminal, and that you can defend yourself and your family - and even those around you - from attack, censure, or the destruction of property. You're free to earn what you can, and enjoy the fruits of your own labor, and you're free to believe what you like, to follow whatever notion of higher power (or not) floats your boat. You are free to do anything ... except impinge upon these freedoms as held by another.

That's what murder is, or theft. Fraud, even speeding - they're all encroachments on the freedom of other members of society.

But this government, and all governments, should not have the right or power to proffer legislation, ostensibly for the public good, that removes the freedom on which this country was founded. It is the risk of freedom - by being free, and assuming that others have the right to be free, you trade in a bit of your own personal security. You can't stop me from buying all the stuff I need to make a bomb, for instance - but our government, our country, is founded on the ideology that the average citizen must be trusted to pursue his existence, that you have a RIGHT to your own life. And, frankly, if that means you buy fertilizer and gasoline - well, a lot of people have good reason to do just that.

Government is not free to tell us what we must believe - and the GOP has become subject to those who earnestly feel that meddling in other people's morality is not only alright, but a Good Thing, good for society as a whole. But - organized religion is the antithesis of Freedom - it must be, by its very nature. Thomas Jefferson said it best: "The returning good sense of our country threatens abortion to their hopes, & they [the clergy] believe that any portion of power confided to me, will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly; for I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. But this is all they have to fear from me: & enough too in their opinion, & this is the cause of their printing lying pamphlets against me. . ."^**. Organized faith does a great deal of good, I freely admit -

- but those who would instill faith into our government, at the cost of the freedoms of those within it, are traitors to the very ideals upon which this country is founded.

How many denominations of "Christian" are there, for instance? From Fred Phelps and his horrible Westboro Baptist Church to modern Anglicanism and every flavor in between - Unitarian and Church of God, Pentacostals and Baptists, Methodists and Catholics - no two denominations can even agree on fundamental principles of their faith, much less some sort of unified morality. Worse, each denomination believes it is firmly in the RIGHT, and everyone else is at least misguided, if not dangerously wrong.

The Islamic world is in the same boat - even Bhuddists politely disagree with each other on the finer points of principle.

But, ultimately, organized religion places strictures on personal freedom - outside limits voluntarily accepted by those that practice the faith. For a true Baptist, for instance, alcohol of any sort is supposedly sinful - but this isn't something held to be true by the Anglicans, by any stretch of the imagination.⁺ This is as it should be - faiths and religions are about codes of behavior and belief, and more power to you for following them, or even proselytizing your faith to others. That is freedom, after all! You have a right to believe anything you'd like, provided that (like, say, the Branch Davidians out in Waco) you're not directly assaulting the public good.

When, however, a faith steps up to have their particular subbrand of right and wrong legislated into laws that everyone else must follow? They are violating the rights, soveregnty, and liberty of everyone who does not ascribe to their belief system. Period. There's no middle ground.

Theology has very little place in government. It belongs among the people, and in their hands - but not in the books of law that govern the work and safety of society proper.

The Bush administration and the GOP have courted the religious right - the people who have arbitrarially decided, based on their belief system and their articles of faith that being homosexual is utterly wrong, that same-sex civil unions deserve no federal protection - and it is espoused by politicians that then go on to admit affairs, rendezvous in men's bathrooms...

Gah.

But nevermind that.

Barak Obama is a gifted orator, an astute politican - and he stands on a platform of personal freedom, of the ability to make your own choices, and compromise. He is a break from the last eight years of theocratic, head-in-the-sand politics from a party that was once about responsibility and now seems to be about keeping the Great White Male in power, happy, and in denial.

I don't know when the Democratic Party became the party of real equality, fiscal responsibility, and personal freedom - but I'm glad for the ideological shift. And Obama? Obama I can stand behind - you do not speak with such simple fluency and inspirational candor without believing what you say.

So. I pick him. I pick a man devoted to a change in direction, devoted to freedom, devoted to the prospect that all people in this country deserve an equal opportunity for the pursuit of happiness.

That gets my vote.

* From Wikipedia: Habeas corpus (IPA: /ˈheɪbiəs ˈkɔɹpəs/) (Latin: [We command] that you have the body)[1] is the name of a legal action, or writ, through which a person can seek relief from unlawful detention of himself or another person. The writ of habeas corpus has historically been an important instrument for the safeguarding of individual freedom against arbitrary state action.

In other words - 'you cannot detain me without producing evidence that detaining me is within the public good.'

There is no greater guardian of civil liberty than a healthy writ of Habeas Corpus. Aren't you so glad we don't have them anymore?

** From Jefferson's letter to Benjamin Rush, 1800, re: the philadelphia clergy attacking Jefferson and declaring him an 'infidel'.

+ Personal Anectode: Every Anglican priest I know knows at least one very funny joke involving either sacrimental wine or whiskey. Go ask. I promise, every one has a drunk priest story somewhere.

Comedy and Tragedy -

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 22:19:36 GMT

I MUSH. Now, not everybody - in fact, I suspect not most people - who read this little slice of the web has any clue what a MUSH is. It's an acronym. Multi-User Shared Hallucenation.

These were the first MMOs - text based (a-la Zork), open-world sandboxes; chatrooms with an OO model laid over them and this pseudolisp codebase. Technically, they're pretty impressive for a nearly twenty year old technology. But - that's not the point.

The point is, this is something I do as a hobby, and like any other hobby when dozens of people are involved, you run across the same sort of troubles over and over again. Powermongering, bad feelings, people who forget that, in the end, this thing is pretty much a game - people who put their lives in, people who have no sense of humor... add it up. It's a nice, very glorious slice of the Monkeysphere.

It's like a LARP, only more persistant - a little more sandboxy, a little less face-to-face, both things that magnify the troubles of the form. Collaborative storytelling, regardless.

Lately, I've been a bit run down on the whole MUSHing thing - see, I staff one. I've decided that any time you let yourself see behind the curtain, you're by default letting yourself in for a definite change in the value system. It's like the theatre - once you've seen how the sets go together, and once you've been on stage looking out? Your appreciation of it changes. You.. lose something, and you gain something. It's not as easy to suspend disbelief, perhaps, but you can see more. You know more.

It's its own kind of enlightenment, really. You can't ever go back - you just keep growing, changing, learning on a new level.

That said, being staff is glorious... when things go well. Players take your story seeds and make them flower into vast vistas of idea that you never knew could exist. they see things from so many angles- man. Proactive players are just a joy. On the other hand? When it goes bad, it goes bad hardcore. Hurt feelings escalate into vendettas which segue into painful experiences that drive players away.

That's the part I hate. When players have no clue how what they're doing affects the grid, how the selfishness of one or two can actually damage and twist and destroy the collaborative story of the many. As of yet, there's no good solution - the players that do this insist over and over again that they're not doing anything wrong, it's just how their characters would act, that they really LOVE the game (they don't - they love /themselves/. They're so pleased with their own cleverness that they let no one else shine, most of the time.) - so how do you enlighten the ignorant? How do you show them the damage they do when they simply, patently refuse to see it?

Worse, how can you tell patent, planned ignorance from a willful attempt to destroy the experience, and how do you act to stem the damage?

Tough calls, all the way around. Ones I wish I didn't have to make. They just suck all the fun right out of running a game.

So - here's the point of all this: I have a challenge for you. If you're a player in a LARP or a MUSH, stop and think about your character, and the things you do. Are you making things more or less fun for other people? Are you tearing down, or building up your game?

What is fun for you may not be fun at all for others - but where is the line drawn, and what are the expectations? It behooves everyone to know, I think.

If you can't answer that - go ask staff. They'll tell you, if you're earnest. And take their advice to heart. Sometimes, it's really worth doing. If nothing else? Become proactive. Don't wait on staff to give you story - go make some. Give it to other people. Share. See what happens - you won't be dissapointed.

Me? I'm going to concentrate on throwing out more Fun Stuff.

Dum dum dadadadadadum da dum...

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 01:46:31 GMT

Today, I had to go by one of the facilities I help to tech-manage and make sure the building was down so an electrician could cut power for a bit and move all the incoming power lines to a single panel. Which is not terribly exciting.

But. Upstairs from that panel, in this building, hiding in a back corner where a group of asipiring Senior Thespians meet? There is a black Yamaha baby grand. It's a beautiful instrument - high F has a fraying string. E above middle C rattles - probably needs a tuner to come take a poke at it and see if the dampers are engaging like they should, or if that's another string that needs replacing. It's common in older, heavy-use pianos to have the dampers - which are not complex, but heavily articulated - do some odd things when they haven't been adjusted in a while.

I knew I'd be stuck there after work. So, in a quiet moment earlier in the day, I went looking for something. I had to know.

I started taking piano when I was about seven, and played until about twenty-two, religiously until I was, oh, what, nineteen? It was my first job - I used to teach very little ones how to play. Chopin? Bergmueller? Debussy? Mozart? They went in through the eyes and came out through the fingers.

Then? I met Erica. We ended up dating, we lasted quite a while; we went through college in part - and that's a whole other story.

Anyway - she'd been playing as long as I had; she had the same love but less burnout. You see, I /knew/, when I sat down to play, that something was missing. I'd known for years, and just never could put my finger on it. It wasn't dedication - though I was sloppy about practicing, I admit. It was.. something else. Something /she/ had.

See? She had /talent/.

People who play music know - anyone can learn how to play anything. You can learn to read music, you can get the mechanics right; rote muscle-memory will eventually ingrain how your fingers sit, how you breathe, how you move, how this motion in this way with this inflection will create this sound. But that's only half of it. You can be the best technical player in the state, in the country, and.. it doesn't matter. It's just technique.

If you can't make the art, if you can't somehow connect past the technique to the right side of your brain and put emotion into those motions, to understand intiuitively that you can emote through the instrument at hand? You aren't playing. You're playing simon says with a guy who died a couple hundred years ago (at.. least.. if you're a classical pianist. If you're a saxophonist or something, they're probably not all dead yet. But you get the idea.)

She had that. HAS that. She reached out past all of that technique and she could make that piano sing. And .. I never could. I had all the technique in the world - I could do any scale by rote, in even timbre; I could voice any note in a chord you could name. I could feel my way through the composer's work thematically - but she could make you get goosebumps.

So, when it comes down to it - other than the occasional poking at an instrument here and there, after playing piano for nearly fifteen years, I haven't touched it for .. what. Another ten-ish? Something like.

But that piano's been taunting me. I could sit down at it - touch the keys; I have a couple times. Put fingers to ivories and sent something out that was sloppier than I remembered.. but it was music. And it - surprised the hell out of me.

Today, I downloaded a very simple, modern, expressive piece - the kind of thing that I could sight read, back in the day. Knowing I had thirty minutes, an hour, maybe longer? I sat down and started playing. And.. I lost myself. Note after note - as the rust started to flake off, I could hear it, behind my eyes - how it should sound. I worked out the simple mistakes you make in learning phrases, repeated some again and again - slowly reminded my fingers that moving like this makes this sound ...

Two hours went past, before I noticed.

And .. just before I got up, I played through it. There's still a passage I don't have yet - three pages. Four minutes. And the.. technique is still there. I know how it sounds, and I'm up to tempo, my mistakes are being overcome; that one tricky transition is all that's keeping me from saying 'I know this one'. But it doesn't matter -

For the first time in years, I made a piano sing. I could hear it, coming back from the cinderblock walls - I could adjust it. I could put my heart into the piece and have it come back with the intonations I wanted to hear.

I'll never be a virtuoso. But after ten years, I finally discovered that maybe what I needed to do was put it aside for a while and just live, for a bit. And now? Now, I don't think I can stop playing. At least. I don't want to.

See.. it sang.

Ishi

More Thinking -

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:28:12 GMT

I've always thought better typing.

Just sort of the nature of the beast - for me, it's very easy to get behind a screen and simply tap away, letting my thoughts flow at 90 WPM or so. Easier than paper - pen and ink feels slow; it is craftsmanship. Writing is something that should be savored, taken in, rolled out slowly and with attention to detail.

Digital ink is for wasting. Pens should be experential.

Of course, that could be just me being lazy.

Anyway.

I have come to believe in something very simple, over the last few days. It's so very easy - but something that I think none of us really give any consideration to, or just nod a lot at and go 'yup' without realizing the real meaning of the notion:

You are in control of your life.

It's your decision. Every step on the way. Every moment culminating in another moment - and while your control is certainly not complete, there's just no excuse for feeling as though you cannot affect your own destiny. We have grand plans, and we lay them aside. We have amazing dreams, and we talk about them without ever reaching for them.

Success or failure has little bearing - only the striving counts. And we control that, from top to bottom, from beginning to end.

And yes - I've said it before. It's just on my mind lately. So there.

Stormy Skies

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:42:08 GMT

Outside, if you were living in Chattanooga and decided to look outside, you'd notice it's thunderstorming right this minute. Huge sheets of rain pour down loud enough to be heard over the air conditioning system even in the middle of the building, and the sky lights up with white light every once in a while... but without the corresponding boom and shake of thunder.

Yet, it's a summer storm. Ultimately, it will pass as quickly as it blew up, moving on to vent its fury somewhere else in the valley.

In its wake, though, is evidence of its passage - the wet streets and dripping leaves will be the first to dry up and fade. Then, the ground will slowly dry more; people will come outside to clean up whatever it blew about the streets, and where buildings are missing a shingle or two.. well, give it a few days and you likely won't even notice. But it's those buildings that interest me - the slow erosion of their roofs and sides, some parts faster than others. Eventually, it will have to be repaired, or the next storm may cause rooms to flood. The storm after that may cause a section of ceiling to collapse or a server to fail... without maintenance, the things we build slowly come apart as the storms smash into them, again and again.

A building left alone and forgotten will eventually succumb; one that is not cared for will fall apart slower, to be sure, but it's only mended once the damage is catastrophic. But some buildings are kept up - the storm's damage is repaired nearly as soon as it passes - and those buildings can last for centuries.

I think I'm going to go call my wife.

Every Journey Begins with a First Step

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:32:00 GMT

And so it begins. Again.

Every day's a new beginning, a new chance to set forth a life that you want instead of the life you have; or, rather, a chance to make a difference with the life you have.

Mmm. Confusing, but I like it. It'll stay.

I'm not happy with what I've become - but I am happy with where I'm standing right now. That, too is another sort of beginning, an opportunity to sally forth and do something, to figure out new priorities and let a bit of sunshine in.

I wonder, sometimes, if I've become the antihero in my own life.

I'm starting to believe that a mid-life crisis isn't a crisis. Instead, it's a point where you realize that all the things you once believed are important are ultimately hollow, and you have to make the choice whether to cling to them or to forge something new from the lessons you've learned. Those who cling by corvettes and trophy wives, armani suits and expensive watches have chosen one path - an attempt to hang on to the simple materialism of youth, a realization that you never did get the Stuff you wanted, and should probably get moving on retrieving it.

Stuff, I guess, is a good enough goal. Perhaps it lacks something fulfilling, but who am I to say it's not the right path to become the person you always wanted to be?

But for other people, it's not glamour. It's realizing that the things important to you are vastly different than what you ever expected they would be, and suddenly you find yourself floundering around staring at what your life is and realizing that it isn't quite what you were expecting when you were a kid. You fall into searching for meaning, and come up with scattered, shotgun hopes and dreams that don't quite fit any real pattern.

How do you build something lasting out of tinkertoys and chewing gum? Remnants of old ideas, and nothing /quite/ coming together.

But lasting is a lightning bolt. Forever is a function of need. And - I think it's not important that you build something permanant, only that you /Build Something/. That you find a place out in the world to make it that much better, and you do it. You make that subtle difference, you connect people in a new way, you make someone's life easier.

Changing the world isn't done with a bang. It's done from hundreds of individuals taking small steps in the right direction on their own initiative.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:20:54 GMT

Are there better words to be remembered by than:

"Anything for him but mindless good taste."

NoTimeButAHAHAHAHAH!

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 11:55:04 GMT

Okay. So. Like. No time for a real update. But /Christ/ this is funny:

So. Much. Updating...

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 15:18:42 GMT

Wow. Been a while, huh? Well, what with the move, the new jobs, the getting settled, the crazy emergency stuff... well. It took a bit of work.

So, in the spirit of having too much to note and too little time, today will be a Bullet Point Entry(tm) instead of the usual blathering on and on about what may or may not have any real meaning. 'ere we go!

The Move:

Moving is always a pain, and always far too expensive. This move total? $1836.90. NOT counting deposits for the new place. Graar. Of this sum, $735 is /GAS/. Gasolina. Dinosaur juice. If you're moving in the near future, it doesn't pay NOT to factor that in. Keerist.

Remember: Gas pumps only let you pump $75 at a time.

I think we can get by on one car. Here's hoping. *fingers crossed*

The Scooters

No go with financing - my credit is too much in the toilet after the tail end of Gulf Shores. SO! We do this the old-fashioned way, which is probably better anyway - we /save/. Hallelujah! May buy elcheapo to get Mindy wheels.

Have been offered a vintage RS350 in prime shape for $500. Am taking individual up on offer. Will make a decent commuter bike, depending on where I can leave important objects, or whether I can get butt cargo container for it. Research continues.

Debtedness:

Budget for 2008 is done. If we can stick to it, we'll be down to car and one credit card by december, with good money in the bank. Who knew?

With the cards gone, at the end of one year, we'll have enough money to adopt. At the end of eighteen months, we'll have enough money for a down payment on a home. By 24? We'll have the investment fund restarted.

Remember goals: Kill the debt. Build the savings. NO MORE DEBT. Raar. Adopt.

Gaming:

Having trouble getting back online consistentlyf for gaming there. This is the suck.

Bought DND 4e books. Am very, very very very impressed. Am starting game soonest. (Brian, Tony - y'all in?)

Biking:

Bike is fixed and rolling. have tubes, will travel.

Need better hydration system desperately. Hrrrml.

Goal: 150 by end of year. Which one? When? Who knows.

.... continued after lunch!

Need new glasses. Will find cheap pair. :)

SCUBA:

Looks like a dive trip next weekend to the quarry in Athens. RAWK!

MUST CLEAN GEAR TODAY. Have been lax. Lax is /bad/.

Need to get the ladyfaire into the pool - reweight + skills testing = GOOD.

NEEED storage unit @ apartment. BUT!...

Stuff Reduction

Have TONS of stuff in storage that needs to get on Craigslist post-haste! (Washer, Dryer, bedframe, bedside tables, antique writing desk (1960's vintage), and god-knows-what-else. The longer it sits, the more we pay expensive storage fees.

Must go pay expensive storage fee.

Need to look into storage unit @ apartment building for bike, SCUBA, and craft stuff. Oi. half the price, convenient location, will have to rent/borrow truck. Grumblemutter.

Job!

New job rocks. Good folks, good cause, great people - hard to go wrong here. Now if I can just avoid getting run off for a weird sense of humor.

And... that's it! Yaaar.

Ishi

Holeee Crap!

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 15:01:19 GMT

.... and that's it. Today! I mean - all the boxes are even in the new place!

Woah. I feel /sore/. And tired. And wanna /sleep/.

So - let's take stock, here on the crazy day that's crazy with craziness:

Moved into the new apartment. Mostly. We might even get to sleep there tonight! WOO!

New job. Very cool job. Very strange job. Like very much, can't wait to get settled and get 'turned loose' - training periods always make me twitchy anyway. But so it goes. One will survive them and go, and the trainer is rawkin', so. Ya know.

Dumping a car. The Brown Beast Of Burden needs to /go/. It's just a matter of time, now: we get even /one/ of the commuter scooters? The beast is /gone/. Finito. Pooft. Probably donated, written off, and a three-day vacation. Glee.

Need to (in no particular order):

Get the machines up to get back online, check on Chia, and do victory tax stuff before they stick me with another bill.

Get a really /hoss/ key cut by a professional. Ugh.

Talk to the management company about a storage unit. Preferably today.

Pick up bike! Glee! Riding!

Get a bed frame. A cheap one that'll just /do/ for a little.

Get the network up! RAAAR.

Move the cats.

Grocery. Shopping. Mmmph.

And.. .it's a birfday. too much work for a birfday. Is it /wrong/ that I want to sleep today, really? Like.. instead of party?

Am I just /old?/ Yeek.

Ishi

Moved!

Fri, 16 May 2008 15:50:39 GMT

Hallelujah!

We've packed the truck, loaded the storage unit, and now collapse exhausted on the couch - but I can tell you that I've learned quite a few things this move that I, in my wisdom, thought to share with all of you:

- U-Haul has a moving service. Two guys, three hours, a couple hundred bucks. Best money I've ever spent -they had my truck packed in an hour and a half, and the storage unit done in 15 minutes. And nothing in the truck /moved/ on the trip!

Holycrap. Best money I've ever spent on a move. Better than forearm forklifts and appliance dollies. WOot!

- When they say 'free upgrade!' and gas is $3.65 a gallon? Don't take it. Fight tooth and nail /not/ to take it. $300 in /gas/ for a move /sucks/.

- When they tell you 'don't back up with a tow dolly!' (your car being hauled on trailer by its front wheels)... they're. Uh. Not kidding.

- In fact, in Alabama, make /sure/ you're turning into the actual lot of the gas station, instead of a road that is barely qualified as a two-lane highway and, in fact, has warning signs about gated communities. Warning sign! Seriously!

- When you see a warning sign about a gated community? They mean it. And the gate? It's locked.

- You /can/ turn a 26 foot truck around on a road barely seventeen feet wide.. provided you take the car and the tow dolly off the back first and make a seventy-eight point turn. (I counted).

- The only thing you can hear on the radio in the vasty distance between cities remains country music stations. And christian radio. Which has some really cool radio shows in the old-timey way, even if they are preachy. Huh.

- You can follow a single country station from Gulf Shores, AL to Birmingham, AL.. and it's in montgomery. That's a /seriously/ powerful radio station.

- The sixth time you hear any given Nickelback song? You realize every last one really /does/ sound the same. Go figure. I mean.. /exactly the same/. There's like.. no difference at all.

- Nine hours in a heavy truck makes your right leg very, very sore.

Aaaand.. that's all I got for now. :)

A silly meme - but silly is good!

Sun, 11 May 2008 17:22:39 GMT

And in the interests of being silly today, and killing some time while packing the house:

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
Yup! Happily married and intend on staying so. She's an absolutely amazing woman, and she puts up with me. Commitment is good!

2) What was your dream growing up?
I wanted to see the world - I still intend to. That goes hand in hand with a bunch of other dreams, but that's the biggest: a passport with a hundred stamps, each one worth a story.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
Anything truly artistic. Man. I /wish/ I could draw. Compose music. That sort of thing - I want to create something truly amazing, but even with some training, I haven't any /talent/. Proof positive that sometimes you can do, and just not do well, right?

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
Jack Daniels, black label straight up, neat - no ice, no branch.

5) Favorite vegetable?
Napa cabbage. Or, probably, broccoli.

6) What was the last book you read?
Small Favor - the newest of the Dresden Files. Butcher is awesome, he is.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
Rabbit and Gemini, depending on your hemisphere.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
Nope! Want.

9) Worst Habit?
Snark. I tend to be sarcastro, sometimes, and I don't often use my powers for good.

10) If you saw me walking down the street, would you offer me a ride?
If I know you? Of course. If I don't and you have a bike? Probably. If you look like you could really use one and have bathed in the last month? More than likely. Not for a random hitchhiker, though.

11) What is your favorite sport?
Cycling. Well, bentriding - it's probably not really a sport. Ice Hockey's faboo. So's disc golf. :)

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
Generally optimistic. Mostly.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Probably embarrass myself with my level of nerdity. And trivia. And anecdotes that are utterly pointless.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
.... mmm. There are a few. I think I'll keep these to myself, though, for the most part.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
I can /read out loud/ about a dozen languages, ranging from Latin to Slovak. My pronunciation's even pretty darned good - but for the most part? I really have no idea what I"m saying. (Spanish and Latin are the exceptions.)

16) Do you have any pets?
Yup! Two kittenz. Gimli, the Fat Fluffball, and Eva Peron (Evita) who adoped /us/ by storming the front door and just not leaving.

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
Bring it on. :)

18) What was your first impression of me?
*peers*

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I'd be skinny and in shape. That's it - I like the rest - but I really, really, really hate my gut. I guess I like cooking (and eating!) too much. :)

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Partner. Definitely partner. Though - it /does/ depend on the crime.

22) What color eyes do you have?
Hazel. Really. I really really do.

23) Ever been arrested?
Three times. And very proud of each one, thankyouverymuch. No convictions, though.

24) Bottle or can soda?
Neither! (I don't do the soda thing anymore.)

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Sadly, pay off debts.

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
Jack's Alley, Chattanooga. Or the Friendly Local Game Story (FLGS).

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
Sort of? Ask me in person - I have my /opinions/, but I'm also a skeptic. This makes for very interesting and varied conversation on the subject.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Besides the wi.. *cough* - I am a /huge/ movie buff. Massive gamer. Warhammer 40k? MUSHing? Social excuses to play Rock Band? Bring it on. :)

30) Do you swear a lot?
Yes. Often in the wrong context - but never like a sailor. Usually, for some reason, I find it almost impossible /not/ to swear around children, and that's usually when I end up swearing the most. Subversive, I am - no fear! I do keep a lid on it. MOstly.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
"You're Overqualified." "Oh, yeah? Well screw you too."

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Geek!

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
Yes. Yes I do. I am a hopeless romantic, in fact.

35) Do you believe in God?
No. Do I believe in /something/? Yes. But not God.

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
Apparently. :)

Narrative Impetuous -

Sun, 11 May 2008 17:07:42 GMT

So here I am, talking about more MUSH/LARP stuff, especially on the plotting side. Can you tell it's been on my mind lately?

I have come to believe there's another part to the whole storytelling gig - Narrative Impetuous. Which - is a couple of big, fancy-sounding academic-type quarter words that add up to 'Starting Stories' - or, more specifically, the /will/ to start stories.

In fact, Narrative Impetuous is the nudge that sends the rock falling from the height, the curiosity that pushes the button, the initial tweak that sends your storylines rolling. It can come from any source, any direction - even, yes, staff itself - but the best games. The most interesting games are those that give players room for their own attempts at getting things rolling.

More specifically, a game that actually offers the players a chance to interact on a meaningful and logical manner with theme, casting them in the role of those-who-can-make-things-happen, gives a portion of the overall narrative impetuous to those players who wish to grab hold of it, shake the possibilities, and see what happens. Unfortunately, it comes at a cost of ceding a portion of control. It's a dichotomy many staffers don't relish - to get the best player stories, you have to let them put their hands on your shiny theme. If you don't, the entire burden of storytelling falls on you.

Pretty simple, right?

It is true, though, that if the players are relegated to a wholly reactive position, you must constantly feed them something to react to, which leads to the common problem inherent in most games: Escalation.

How many Greater Evils From Beyond Time (GEBTs) can you throw at your playerbase before they start to yawn and sigh and wonder if you can get creative? It's a symptom of either a calcified theme or a lack of player involvement in it. Eventually, it becomes a repetitive cycle akin to the old radio serials or a bad action TV show: you know the formula, you know what's going to happen, and you play along because the characters are interesting and every once in a while there's enough of a break in the routine to spice things up.

Think about how much more interesting it becomes, however, when you apply the framework model and turn your players loose with the paint! If you have a nobility, let the players be nobles. Taxes and power-mongering, territory and vassals, orders from on-high and responsibilities that have to be parceled out to trusted lieutenants and those beneath them. Give them an opportunity to advance in their sphere, but make resources limited and competative. Alliances, politics, backstabbing - to get ahead, those players put in that position that want to participate will end up embroiling others, thus becoming a major narrative impetuous for your entire game.

Guilds? Do the same thing - what can a guild do? What can it create? What can it accomplish?

It means shattering a few of the fundamental paradigms. It means building a robust abstraction for those activities the nobles wish to accomplish, and paying attention to details impartially - but man, it's a hell of a lot less work than having to fill every moment with your own story.

Every single game has such possibilities - possibilities that exist in the abstract and have direct repercussions on the game world, possibilities that players have tried to simulate and act on from the beginning. When they ask about mines or farmland, when they talk about advancement in title or capability... THIS is what they're after. Frankly? If you build it, they will come.

And it'll make for a richer experience, filled with tons of possibilities - it just means playing perfectly fair, and watching for longer-term ramifications. Blowing up planets is a bad thing, after all - but in the trying is the stuff of legend.

On Game Story, Characters, and the Whole Point -

Tue, 06 May 2008 12:20:48 GMT

Let's be honest here - not everybody's interested in game theory, roleplaying games, LARPS and MUSH/text based RP - so! If you're not, you probably don't want to bother with the stuff below the cut.

On Story:

I've come to believe that games - any game where you have a sizeable, wide-ranging playerbase to support it as opposed to the single-player story (though even those have elements of the notion) have a certain narrative structure that is required for them to be a long-term success. How much narrative structure a game needs is of course dependant on the point of the game as a whole (World of Warcraft needs far less narrative than your average LARP, for instance) - but, in general, the most efficient story structure follows similar patterns regardless.

In essence, there are three 'tiers' of story, ranging from truly macro storytelling on down to the smallest of character interactions. How these are used in a game is directly related to the health of the game's narrative over time.

Tier 1: Thematic Storytelling

Every game is ultimately defined by its depth of Theme. Theme tells you what genre you're in, what the large organizations are; it defines the gestalt thinking of the large body of NPCs that exist outside of the sphere the players can directly effect and sets the raw skeleton for the basis of the system and thus the player characters' interactions with the fictional universe. At the very highest level, theme encompasses diplomatic relationships between nations, wars, shifts in the global climate (of magic or weather!), and major trends in ongoing history that the entire world must respond to. This is charting an NPC ruler's rise to power in a remote kingdom or having two nations go to war - it sets the vast backdrop against which the player's story is told.

It's also the highest level of storytelling. It is as the backdrop changes that opportunites are created to tell unique stories in the local realms. The logical progression of macro-scale events opens up lower tier storytelling - while they can't be affected directly by PC or NPC action, the oblique actions of the playerbase can cause subtle shifts in forward momentum.

In more succint terms: altering the backdrop of theme creates opportunity for storytelling directly related to sub-events of that theme. More on that in tier 2.

Macro Theme story is usually guided by the Admin of the game in question, and should be a slow, subtle shift - rapid jerks in theme jangle and batter the average player's suspension of disbelief. Even if culminating events are rapid-fire, the playerbase should have seen them building to their crux moment - whatever that happens to be. The tensions before a war, for instance, are obvious in their slow build even if a war does start in a single day.

Yet.. it is within those slow, subtle changes in theme that the game seems to live. History is not static - our ability to believe in the setting is damaged when local theme is. Static theme may start off well but ultimately results in a clamor to change greater things - players will begin to try to force change in areas where they feel the depth of story is nonexistent.

Tier 2: The Villain's Stories

As the major theme shifts, opportunities are created for those with the will to exploit them - both Heroes and Villains, mind, but in the classic storytelling model... well. This is where the Villains interact with theme.

As two nations go to war, someone corners the market on armor for Hummers and proceeds to cut costs, turning out shoddy product and putting soldiers at risk. An unscrupulous politician at home uses public support for the war to begin passing pork barrel legislation for his munitions business back home. An environmental group, noting the attention of security forces outside the borders, uses the opportunity to stage eco-terrorist attacks against loggers in the East.

When the war comes to a close, war crimes tribunals convene to deal with the losers. Several of them try to escape, and must be found so that they can't stir up trouble again. On the battleground, insurgent, partisan militias start building IUDs - soldiers have to begin to alter their tactics to deal with it, or find the man responsible for running and supplying that organization. Back home, increased paranoia leads to more surveillance, and anarchists begin to lash out against the government, led by a charismatic speaker known only as 'Anon.' A cult, long quiet in the public eye, begins touting faith healing services to deal with PTSS, and is also being linked to an upswing in gang violence in the neighboring cities...

Because the backdrop shifts, the details of the stories can change. You lose the trite and instead get events that are relevant, timely, and human. The players have meat to sink their teeth into - and can often start their own!

- Noting that soldiers have a difficult time calling home, player characters begin work on a sattelite system that enables broad area coverage of the region. Of course, there are other interests that see more nefarious purposes in such a device...
- With prejudice against a certain minority subgroup reaching an all-time low, the players step up to create scholarships and study programs targetting that subgroup in particular. But.. that doesn't mean the prejudice doesn't exist - in fact, some radical organizations see that as an opportunity to bring back the persecution and ensure their own interests are covered...

And so on. It's at the level of action within the changes of theme that player characters engage with the game, and cascading stories are told.

Tier 3: The personal.

Even without the higher tiers, players will always tell their own stories - but a player's story is always limited to those spheres that the player can affect. If external theme is static and theme-based story is slow or nonexistent, most players default to acting within the sphere of personal relationships - where the most intense stories are told regardless.

Look at it this way: as war starts, players from embattled nations will be affected by it in their nationalistic fervor or patriotism. They'll speak to other players about it, share their concerns and hopes and fears. When they face a major villain that makes them question their own morality, they'll work through that with other players, who in turn share pieces of the effect. One macro story trickles down to hundreds of interactions with that macro story, in a great ripple effect akin to dropping a rock in a pond.

If the rocks stop dropping - there are still waves. The usual eddies and currents of human nature see to that - but the surface of the water doesn't change much. The game becomes a soap opera, where the theme, the backdrop, remains largely fixed and the stories then become static and completely interpersonal - players with nothing to effect in the game will turn to the most human stories: relationships.

There's nothing wrong with that - relationship stories are told within the context of thematic shift and larger tales as well - but when relationship tales become all there is, the game begins to stagnate. The wider stories vanish, the players run out of change - and without conflict, they make it.

Thus, a game's health is really a function of remaining active in its theme. Sure, systems matter - character sheets and conflict mechanics - but those things will be forgiven in the extreme if the story remains intriguing, detailed, and deep. A multilayered story does more for a game than any mechanical system.

But let's also spend a couple of paragraphs talking to the players, too.

All of the above is well and good - and it's what staff has to look at firmly as they go forward. It remains also apparent that players have an incredibly important role to play in all of that story - without you, there is no game.

Every player has their own set of motivations: some want loot. Some want to look like bad-asses. Some just want to see what happens next - there's no right, there's no wrong.... but there is one thing worth mentioning:

A player that plays without understanding that which makes you special and unique, what makes your character a unique and special snowflake - is doomed to be forever dissatisfied with the game they're in.

This is what staff means when they say you take away from a game what you put into it - your skills aren't unique. There are other fighters that can swing massive damage, and even if you're on top of the heap now, you won't be forever. There's other guys wearing heavy armor, other guys that can cast that spell, other people that can make the ground shake and the sky open and that incredibly powerful NPC do their bidding. The success of a character, the uniqueness of a character - it's not in your character sheet, and it's not in the mechanics.

It's, frankly, in the unique set of motivations, circumstances, and knowledge that allows you to react to the world around you in a way no one else can.

If the story is about the varagries of magic and you're not magical? Then your unique story contains elements of having your character come to terms with the magic and those that use it around them. If you're a photojournalist embedded with a bunch of soldiers... your story isn't about being a soldier, it's about reacting to those things a soldier experiences that you as a normal civvie normally would never see. Take that wherever you like.

But your story - the thing that makes you unique - is in your characterization, not your stat sheet. If you look for your stats to be unique, you will never, ever be satisfied. Look instead for your character to be unique, and the stats go where they should be: into the background.

Ishi

Time! It's a Gaaas -

Fri, 02 May 2008 12:37:36 GMT

I wish I had more time - but I don't. Those who say time isn't our most precious commodity are fooling themselves, honestly. What else do you really have? Everything converts from time. Absolutely everything.

Just like the Sun is the source of all energy on this planet, ultimately speaking, time is the ultimate source of everything that happens in your life. Spending time is what matters in your existence. It's why the phrase, "It'll just be a moment of your time" grates on me. Just? JUST? That's a moment I could spend on something - anything - else other than talking to you (usually a telemarketer or a salesman), and likely get more out of the experience. My minutes are precious, how dare you demand I spend them on listening about insurance or hearing you natter on on the telephone?

We recognize on some fundamental level just how important time really is, how often the clock ticks. In our culture, 'Spending Time' with your loved ones is considered a worthy action; more, we have deep cultural taboos about wasting other people's time or being an imposition. We have a facination with it - watches and clocks and measuring devices all inexorably marching forward.

I don't think, however, that we often examine our own lives with any sort of real depth to determine the value of how we spend our own time. A subjective thing at best, we always spend time on what intrigues us, what interests us, what seems worthy at that moment. You can tell a lot about someone by what they spend their time doing, and how they handle time in those moments of necessity (like work). But.. never assume that someone doing something they enjoy doing is wasting time, even if what they enjoy doesn't ping your meter as being worth spending time on.

Subjective value judgements. For them, it is. My father believes watching a movie more than once is a waste of time. That doesn't make it so.

So. To get the measure of an individual - watch closely what they spend time doing, but be careful how you judge it.

Geeek! Geekgeekgeek..

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:47:59 GMT

It came out a bit earlier in the month, but Ubuntu Hardy Heron is live and in-da-house.

Now, most of y'all know that I'm a huge Open Source junkie, and I've been using Ubuntu instead of Windows for quite a while (and have only glowing praise, as a rule). With this major upgrade, I've got even more.

The upgrade itself went well - no troubles except the usual 'revert to default on sound' which always discombobulates me and takes me a couple of minutes to remember how to fix - and the fix is as simple as making a few selections in a dropdown to make sure my digital speakers are working. Heh. So far, the processor load is less, the memory leak is gone, and Firefox 3 lives up to expectations as being a vast improvement.

Kudos again to Canoninical - and a fabulous and easy upgrade process. So. Uh. Why aren't you people using ubuntu again?

Hmmm?

A Digression.

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:15:20 GMT

I'm not going to say much - but I think I'm largely done with some of the wider debate I've been involved with today.

I find myself angry.

There are incidents, stories, events in my life that I will likely tell no one. They're a part of me, as certain as breathing, but they're in my past. Relics of a person I was. One of those relics I know, from... certain events.. is that everyone has something to offer. Good and bad - we are complex creatures, people. Every event in your life builds on the last until you get to where you stand now - and the creature that is /now/ would be something different had any of those events been different. In some large or small way, we're the sum of our lives before.

Perhaps the insights others can offer are surface, or insipid. Perhaps they're simply insights into how the other half think.

But when you put people in a neat little box and flatly deny they've any right to say anything by the virtue of a simple overt thing like sex, or race, or religion -

You're an 'ist'. Pick an 'ist' to be.

You cannot know another's life. You cannot know another's reasoning. You cannot know anything unless you're told or were there - and if you have no idea? It costs very little to listen. Perhaps they're wrong, and that's fine.

I have been poor - so poor that kraft macaroni and cheese was a major investment. I have been starving so that I stole another fellow's /canned tuna/ to survive. Does this mean I don't understand being poor if I'm not black or acadian or inner city or whatever the current take is? I may not understand what it is to walk into a place and be evicted for color, no. But I get being poor.

There are other things in my life that ... oh. I'm not going to go into. They don't matter, and I don't think I care to have other people know.

But the minute you judge another person based on what you /think/ they do or don't know?

Hrm. An anecdote.

I once worked in retail sales, helping folks by electronics at a major chain. A guy walked in - a typical 'hayseed'. Battered pickup truck, dog in the back. NO shoes. no shirt. We got 'his sort' in all the time. I was up at the counter, my coworker stocking shelves. The guy wanders in, heads to the entertainment section.

My coworker looks up.. and then ignores the guy. I wander over, quietly pointing him out, and ask - "He's yours. You're up."

"Man, they don't have money. he's not going to buy anything, and I'm behind."

Growling to myself, I put on a smile, and head over to take care of the customer. Who buys, with cash pulled from a roll in that bib overall, about three grand in home entertainment. Home theatre, TV, the works.

The point? You snap a judgement based on anything, it's likely to turn out wrong. People have hidden depths, hidden experiences. And you make that judgement? You lose. Every time.

I may not have ever been whistled at by construction workers - but don't /ever/ assume I don't get what it means to be preyed on. Mmkay?

Ishi

I've seen 144 of these 168 movies -

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:43:06 GMT

Put "I've seen ____ of these 168 movies" in the subject line and repost. If you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 168 movies on this list.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
(x) Braveheart

Total: 10

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
(x) Saw II
(x) White Noise
() White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Total: 9

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
(x) American Pie Band Camp

Total: 10

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
() Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil
() Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
() Little Black Book
() The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(x) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
() 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots

Total: 15

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(x) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
(x) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG

Total: 12

() A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
() Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
(x) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
() Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber

Total: 9

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards

Total: 9

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
(x) Seed of Chucky
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
() Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge
(x) The Mask
(x) Son Of The Mask

Total: 12

(x) Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
() Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
() Ocean's Twelve
(x) Identity
(x) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator
(x) Predator II
(x) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George

Total: 10

(x) Independence Day
(x) Cujo
(x) A Bronx Tale
(x) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
() My Boss's Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
() Frailty
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2

Total: 11

(x) My Best Friend's Wedding
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
() She's All That
() Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3

Total: 12

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-Men 3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
(x) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
(x) Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2

Total: 18

() Swimfan
(x) Miracle
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
(x) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin

Total: 7

Grand Total: 106

For Men: The OBP.

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:28:49 GMT

Okay - so I've spent the morning, rather than doing constructive make-a-paycheck work, trying to wrap my head around something that, well, let's be honest, most of us guys have trouble with on our best days. You can get all up in the controversy that sparked it all here, in a thing the author calls "The Open Source Boob Project".

In the interest of academic honesty - I'm going to say that in the first read through, I didn't much see a problem. Here's a guy who went to a con, likely had a bit too much to drink, and like lankylad and I have on occasion - got carried away with what is ultimately a very silly idea. Mind you, most of our silly ideas revolved around poetry, but.. they were very, very silly. The man-part of me also looked at it and went, "dude. You like, got to touch boobies, too." Given the company I usually run with at Cons, this whole thing was something I read in the light of.. 'okay. Haha. Whatever.'

But the controversy caught my attention. Women on my friends list all through livejournal have been expressing extreme opinions over this guy all morning. So me? Being the fellow I am, I start digging in. First, by posting some commentary, then by asking questions - then by trying to get as much of the story as I can. There's got to be something more here than a childish bit of groping, right? Turns out.. there is.

It's interesting when you're enlightened to something that is so polarized among the sexes.

So - this post is intended to be an attempt to try to explain to fellows who - like me - aren't really seeing the problem here (at first) just what the problem is, and where this guy is a bit off the rails.

As.. after some serious discussion, I think he is. However, in an edit, he points out that it was highly context specific (as most con stories are). Important to say.

But why, then, are all these ladies pointing out that it's sexist? It's a horrible, horrible term, sexist - any 'ist' or 'ism' usually is. It's such a charged and loaded thing that it comes close to Godwin's Law; the mere label is enough to cause damage to anyone's argument, and it has to be treated objectively.

Sexism is the objectification of the opposite sex, the negative stereotyping that allows one to prejudge another by virtue of their membership in a group rather than as an individual in their own right. Humanity instinctively thinks in these boxes - it's your monkeysphere, how you can cope with caring about groups larger than your primitive brain can handle coping with with any ease. The 'isms' are survival mechanisms - and they become problems when those constructs become negative ones. "All women are stupid." "All black people like fried chicken." "All polish folks are dumb as a sack of hammers." This is bullshit - it's a failiure of the mechanism on an individual's part.

Yet, those mechanisms still exist. We broadly typecast groups in order to cope with them - "Scientologist", "Baptist", "Politician" - are these words conjuring certain images in your head? Triggering certain stereotypes? Have you ever told a lawyer joke? It's the same mechanism in another form, that's all - more neutral. Some stereotypes even have beneficial effect - Susan Sarandon telling us about the starving children in ethiopia has programmed us to believe that "people in third world countries need our help" - which, in many cases, is a worthy humanitarian effort. It's still a stereotype. It's still an 'ism'.

In this case, Ferret tapped into a big 'ism' ... because the assumption was the problem was all on the other side of the fence. It's in the first line of his entry: "and people would understand that it's not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you," People? No. Women. Women should allow me to touch their breasts because I have no motivation and they're beautiful.

See the 'ism' there?

Isn't turnabout fair play? In a truly liberated society, wouldn't women have the same option the other direction? Why should men have that ability - even if women have the right to say no - why should a woman have to even be confronted with the question?

And ... maybe I'm wrong.. but that seems the crux of it.

Guys, think for a minute. You go to a con, and you are constantly approached with the question: "Hey, man. I think you're good looking. Can I fondle your balls?" It's precisely the same invasion of personal space and sensibility - now imagine fielding that question another dozen times. Two dozen. Or even once. How would you react? How would you feel? Think honestly - imagine the questioner as a man. A woman. An /unattractive/ woman - see? I know how you think. When would you feel uncertain? When would you say no?

That's the 'ism'. That's the underlying assumption that causes difficulty - no one cares if it's done in a private spot, or among friends, or if you're honest in saying, "I think you're pretty and I'd like to touch your breasts." Maybe I'm wrong - but that's a refreshing turn from what men normally do. THe 'ism' is in that assuming it's more than it is - that it's not about getting a grope in, that it's somehow liberating, something everybody should just understand.

I hope I'm making that clear - but to further emphasize: it's the intellectual dishonesty inherent in the action that makes it into an 'ism'. It is sexist to say that the world would be a better place if women allowed men to touch their breasts after a compliment. It implies that women should be alright with that question regardless of context.

Is it dishonest to walk up to a woman and say it?

Er. No. It's probably infinitely better than ogling her from across the room and undressing her with your eyes. But - you don't have a right to do it to all women. It must be in context. It must be honest. To avoid being an 'ism'? It needs to be genuine and reciprocated.

Ferret, in the end, did nothing wrong. He was honest, he spoke to the women directly, and the context was likely right for that conversaton (I've been to cons. Please. Many, many cons. He would not have been out of place at any of 'em). Where the 'ism' comes in is in the justification, attempting to put what was a silly grope-fest into some sort of larger context of how it'd be awesome if it were always that way. Outside of the setting, the bull-session doesn't work.

Guys - the problem is .. not in the event. I can't stand on that. The problem is in the buttons and the packaging and the rules that would have turned a rather cathartic, racy, unique moment into an expected institution. Wearing buttons that say 'I'm Gropeable' or 'I'm Not Gropeable' is vastly different to the events that led to it. It was poorly thunk, poorly considered, and in the end would turn a con into a very unsafe place.

But - I've had my share of con experiences. I've been an object, and I've objectified others. I've had kisses and more in the dark, and warded off advances I didn't want. And sometimes, isolated events happen that teach you more about yourself (and others) and are.. just what they are. One time experiences where everything is right and proper and the strangest things happen. You cannot then take those events and repackage them, turning them into something more than they were - a transitory moment where everything happened in a certain way.

What makes the whole thing 'sexism' is.. trying to turn it into an institution. Assuming that it's right - and necessary - to make women confront that choice when they're just trying to go to a Con.

So for those men staring at this with incredulity? Get past the event. I grok. But look at the wider consequence. Women have a right to feel safe and have fun - they shouldn't be thrust into a situation where they must make a choice to become more (or less) of a sexual object than that which they're already subjected to on a daily basis. And that is what has them shivering, up in arms - not that anyone'd come to them and ask that question (though outside of context it has its issues) - but that the next time they go to Dragon*Con or ConFusion or any of the rest, they'll now have to contend with the knowledge that they /will/ be asked that question. That they'll be standing right there in the dealer's room with people wearing buttons that force them to confront it.

And that is sexism at its finest.

Ishi

Continueth

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 18:48:58 GMT

Packing hath begun! Two bags of clothes for goodwill, and a search for boxes - making the decision to move is a glorious thing if only that you actually get forward momentum pretty easy once you make it. I think it's an impressive thing that every time we move we throw away more junk (and/or give - we never seem to have time for garage sales). The cats, of course, need neverending reassurance.

Yes. We're still here. Yes. You're going with us. No, you've still got food, see? Okay, fine, here's the loving. Er. Go have some catnip. Really. You're on my HEAD.

Workwise, I've opened mobile, and should have my second (and in some cases first) contacts out by tomorrow - rawk! Doesn't change hunting for a job in Cha-Town, but it's a start.

To do today:

Contact B. Touch base on Victory and the move.

Boxes! Find boxes. Liquor stores? One could hope.

Pare through office stuff. Put it in a home or dump it. Too many old, untouched boxes!

Mom's B-Day! Card and call and stuffs!

Resumes out. More job hunting!

Busybusybusybusy...

Don't forget: Pick up regs! They should be done.

Photos for Nitrox C-cards!

That's enough for /anybody/, I figure.

Ishi

An aside -

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:28:16 GMT

The ladyfaire and I have been talking. And we're heading back to Cha-town, looks like.

What can I say? We missed you guys. We'll be back up there sometime within the next 45 days, and we're already applying for positions up in the area.

If you have any suggestions in that regard - we're listening. :) (Hai, look, we're back in time for LARP season! Rawk!)

Best Brains They Are, Even if they're not -

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:52:41 GMT

I don't know about you guys, but for about six years sunday matinees in the comfort of my living room, brought to you buy Joel and the guys on the Satellite of Love (Crow! I miss you man!) were de rigeur - you couldn't pay me enough to get me away from my MST3K.

So, imagine my surprise when I ran across this:

JOEL! Man. I LOVE YOU MAN! WOoot! Go see the site. And buy the DVD. It's all financed out of Joel's pockets - so! Give the man some /love/, MiSTieS!

On another front - I don't know if you lot are as polarized on the whole ID vs. Evolution thing as I am (ID? Puhleeze!) - but if you haven't seen the nonsense about Ben Stein's Expelled, well - check the blogroll on the right there for that funny P-word and go read it from the skeptic's view. Or! If you're more inclined, jump in with both feet and see Expelled get exposed by the scientific community.

And now I've done my good deed on day-before-tax-day.

Cleaning day!

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 19:36:29 GMT

And my, what a productive one. Vaccuuming, washing sheets, cleaning floors, bathrooms - yaay!

And - Valk:

- ~~Focus Regeneration~~
- Token base code
- Lore base code - in progress!
- Advancement base code
- ~~Rewrite +sheet (hiding result modifications)~~
- ~~Data entry - First pass skills~~
- ~~Giftcode~~
- +challenge (success metrics)
- Building! Havana. New Tortuga.
- Aircraft/Travel/Base code.

Politics and media and more -

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 21:42:24 GMT

From carnivorax:

My window is open. How about yours?

More personally -

Valkenberg work continues.

To Do:

- ~~Focus Regeneration~~
- Token base code
- Lore base code
- Advancement base code
- Rewrite +sheet (hiding result modifications)
- +challenge (success metrics)
- Building! Havana. New Tortuga.
- Aircraft/Travel/Base code.