Every day's a new beginning, a new chance to set forth a life that you want instead of the life you have; or, rather, a chance to make a difference with the life you have.
Mmm. Confusing, but I like it. It'll stay.
I'm not happy with what I've become - but I am happy with where I'm standing right now. That, too is another sort of beginning, an opportunity to sally forth and do something, to figure out new priorities and let a bit of sunshine in.
I wonder, sometimes, if I've become the antihero in my own life.
I'm starting to believe that a mid-life crisis isn't a crisis. Instead, it's a point where you realize that all the things you once believed are important are ultimately hollow, and you have to make the choice whether to cling to them or to forge something new from the lessons you've learned. Those who cling by corvettes and trophy wives, armani suits and expensive watches have chosen one path - an attempt to hang on to the simple materialism of youth, a realization that you never did get the Stuff you wanted, and should probably get moving on retrieving it.
Stuff, I guess, is a good enough goal. Perhaps it lacks something fulfilling, but who am I to say it's not the right path to become the person you always wanted to be?
But for other people, it's not glamour. It's realizing that the things important to you are vastly different than what you ever expected they would be, and suddenly you find yourself floundering around staring at what your life is and realizing that it isn't quite what you were expecting when you were a kid. You fall into searching for meaning, and come up with scattered, shotgun hopes and dreams that don't quite fit any real pattern.
How do you build something lasting out of tinkertoys and chewing gum? Remnants of old ideas, and nothing /quite/ coming together.
But lasting is a lightning bolt. Forever is a function of need. And - I think it's not important that you build something permanant, only that you /Build Something/. That you find a place out in the world to make it that much better, and you do it. You make that subtle difference, you connect people in a new way, you make someone's life easier.
Changing the world isn't done with a bang. It's done from hundreds of individuals taking small steps in the right direction on their own initiative.